Welcome to The Kolb Review; a daily blog covering all the pop-culture you could handle.

Expect some guest posts from our pop-culture liaison Leora Horowitz and sports and movie man Moshe Kolb.
Feel free to email any questions or comments to Jordankolb@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter at @thekolbreview

Monday, August 13, 2012

Why I Love Movie Weapons! (Part I)

As I was cleaning part of my house this weekend I found and old Nerf gun. It had me thinking, what are the coolest and most awesome movie weapons of all time? We have all seen films and just thought that the gun or bomb was just awesome. So here are some of the greatest movie weapons of all time.

·         Death Star- Star Wars
o   Star Wars was ahead of its time in special effects and pretty much everything else. There were plenty of starling moments in the dual-trilogy but perhaps none more than the fact that the secret weapon the Empire was building was in fact an entire spaceship. The Death Star was not only an imposing figure, basically the size of a small planet, its lethal weapon could destroy an entire planet in a instant. Doesn’t get more awesome than that.

·         Lightsaber- Star Wars
o   Of  course you cant mention Star Wars without mentioning perhaps the greatest weapon ever invented. The Lightsaber, wielded by Jedi Masters and Sith Lords is so cool. Basically a laser, the Lightsaber can deflect bullets, cut people in half and pretty much destroy anything in its way. The only thing cooler than one lightsaber is two.

·         Hattori Hanzo Sword- Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2
o   Quentin Tarantino is the one of the wackiest directors in Hollywood. Seriously, the things he creates are just crazy. Perhaps none are crazier than the Hattori Hanzo Samarai Swords from the Kill Bill Series. These lethal handmade death machines slice through bone and flesh like a steak knife through butter. Having Uma Thurman literally kill hundreds of people with it on screen was priceless.

·         Zorg ZF-1- The Fifth Element
o   The ZF-1 holds a rocket launcher, poison arrow launcher, machine gun with replay capability, net launcher, and flamethrower and freeze ray. This Zorg wielding weapon is one of the stars of the awesome and underrated Fifth Element. Its basically a gun that can do anything in the world. Also, just remember; don’t push the little red button.

·         Jericho Missle- Iron Man
o   Not only does the missile break into 16 individual missiles while in flight, but even Tony Stark guarantees “the bad guys won’t even want to come out of their caves.” The shockwave alone could do some damage, but the missile itself will blow a hole in the side of any mountain. Other than Iron Man himself, this was one of the highlighted weapons of the film, and we only get around 1.5 minutes of it.

·         Rail Gun- Eraser
o   Arnold Schwarzenegger has held quite a few guns in his acting career, but few are as intimidating as his pair of railguns in Eraser. Even cooler than the explosive results of firing a railgun in Eraser is the plasma trail it leaves behind. The swirly, blue trail is eye-popping and adds an extra level of awesome to the weapon. And don’t forget the night-vision scope on the side of the gun, which even uses X-ray technology to see through walls. Arnold, you have done well for yourself. Even Michael Cain cant defeat this awesome weapon.

·         Noisy Cricket- Men in Black
o   Not every weapon has to look like much, as long as its bite is big, loud and deadly. When Agent J (Will Smith) takes the puny little Noisy Cricket from Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones), he is understandably upset. Only when he fires the pinkie-sized gun does he understand its power. The weapon not only takes a chunk out of its target, but propels the shooter back dozens of feet. It is quite the weapon, and steals the show in this film with tons of futuristic weapons.

·         Explosive Nose Charge- Mission Impossible III
o    On a helicopter to safety, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) attempts to save his damsel in distress (Keri Russell), but she dies seconds before he can help her. A charge, planted inside her nose, created a micro-burst that essentially imploded her brain. The result was a disgusting mess of internal debris. The device is unbelievably fast in its action. Once triggered, it is a matter a milliseconds before death overcomes its victims. Once implanted in the nose of Hunt, it took a defibrillator to counteract the charge. It is difficult to describe just how intense the moments before death can be for a victim of this weapon. A bomb in your nose, that is the definition of an Awesome Weapon.

·         Liam Neeson’s Fists-Every Movie Ever
o   Yes, Liam Neeson himself is one of the best weapons ever.

·         Chuck Norris
o   If Liam Neeson is one of the Gods, Chuck Norris created him.

·         VX Gas- The Rock
o   If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out an entire city of people… It’s a cholinesterase inhibitor. Stops the brain from sending nerve messages down the spinal cord within thirty seconds. Any epidermal exposure or inhalation and you’ll know. A twinge at the small of your back as the poison seizes your nervous system…Your muscles freeze, you can’t breathe, you spasm so hard you break your own back and spit your guts out. But that’s after your skin melts off. Well put, Cage, well put.

·         Chain mace- Kill Bill Vol. I
o    In the hands of the sinister Gogo Yubari, it is even more lethal. The ball and chain has many options. It is used to choke, slice and strike The Bride. Although the weapon is her bread and butter, it also indirectly helped The Bride kill Gogo.  A beautiful school girl wielding a Chain malice, thank you Quentin Tarantino.

·        Telephoto Rifle- The Jackal
o   Arms dealer Ian Lamont (Jack Black) gave The Jackal exactly what we wanted. The long-range gun is controlled by cell phone or computer and may be aimed using a joystick. The rounds are made from depleted uranium, adding even more menace to the already lethal weapon. Even without The Jackal behind the trigger, it would be on this list. Bruce Willis standing behind this gun gave me nightmares as a child.

·         Sharks with Frickin Laser Beams Attached to Their Heads- Austin Powers: International man of Mystery
o   This is no joke. Dr. Evil was on to something in the Austin Powers films when he asked for “sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.” Unaware of his own budget at first, he was given sea bass with laser beams attached to their heads. But eventually he got his way.

·         Bullwhip- Indiana Jones
o   The bullwhip has saved countless lives, swung Indiana Jones over deadly pits, snagged guns from enemy hands, strangled a handful of foes and even gave the hero a chin scar as a teenager. It has been through quite the journey, and to my knowledge, has never been replaced. One of the best, non-deadly weapons in cinema history.

·         Little Friend- Scarface
o   One of the most quoted scenes in movie history has its fame thanks to the customized grenade launcher belonging to Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface. During his last stand, Montana fends off a handful of assassins from atop his staircase using bullets and grenades. It truly is a piece of incredible machinery, even out of Montana’s lethal hands.
While the weapon is powerful enough to kill dozens of people, it has limited magazine capacity. Moreover, it may have been Montana’s wild nature, but the accuracy is pitiful. With a few minor tweaks, this could have been the best weapon ever.

·         The Twin Golden Guns- Face Off
o   One of my favorite movies and characters of all-time, Face-Off’s Castor Troy is freaky and awesome. He gets cooler and cooler with every scene. But his peak comes when he reveals his matching twin Golden Guns with Dragon handles. Need I say more?

No comments:

Post a Comment